thewellnesspath, Author at Kristin Hajny, LCSW

This COVID-19 pandemic has been a difficult journey for everyone. I heard something on the news the other day that really resonated with me. The announcer stated that there has not been a single person in the world that hasn’t been affected in some way by this pandemic. How often in our lifetimes has something transcended our individual experiences to be a collective worldwide human experience? It was shocking to hear this but somewhat calming as well. We are all in this together. Everyone is suffering to some degree. Of course, the amount of suffering is much greater for those who have lost loved ones to this disease. For them, trying to heal their grief while continuing to carry on with quarantining, the isolation is even more difficult.

Socialize

Many of us are currently working and socializing through video sessions. Some people have regular zoom calls with friends or family members. Setting up a regular video session with loved ones gives us something to look forward to and breaks up the monotony of the day-to-day routine of staying home. I’ve had zoom sessions with my 100-year-old grandma and extended family for her birthday. This meeting included relatives from four different states and six different cities. We had so much fun during this that we are planning another zoom meeting event soon. Another fun zoom event involved a friend’s 50th birthday party and included different waiting rooms for different groups of his friends all over the country. While events like these can involve a bit of coordination, it is really fun for the participants. Organized card games online with friends who are quarantining alone is another fun option. Combining the online game with Facetime can make it seem almost like an in-person game. But those of us who are zooming all day for work are also experiencing zoom fatigue. What can be done to combat this?

Exercise

Exercise is really important for mental health, especially during quarantining. Exercising has been shown to help with improved sleep, better endurance, stress relief, improvement in mood, increased energy and stamina, reduced tiredness that can increase mental alertness and reduced cholesterol and improved cardiovascular fitness. (Exercise for Mental Health)

Setting up an informal gym in a garage is a great way to stay dry and get your exercise. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do this. A few weights, a mat for seated exercises and YouTube is all you need. There are so many good exercise videos online. Try to make a point of trying to get some exercise every day even with the bad weather.

It’s important to stress the importance of exercise with your kids. They have lost a lot with the closing of school. PE class, recess and after school sports all were great outlets for their energy. Now when faced with the choice of video games and the comfy couch or a three mile run with parents you know which is more alluring. I confess we have resorted to bribery to elicit some activity at times!

Outside

Being outside your home is another important way to combat the quarantine fatigue. Even taking walks around your neighborhood when you can improves mood and is an opportunity to check in with neighbors. Making an effort to take nature walks, trail running, cross country skiing and car trips to the woods are all great stress relievers. Kids love frisbee golf and see it as a fun activity while the adults get a nice hike in the outdoors! It’s a win win. Geocaching is another fun form of exercise that younger kids love.

We bought inexpensive propane heaters for our outside areas so we can have friends and family over this winter to socialize safely in person. We are lucky to have a carport (I never thought of that as an asset until the pandemic but it really is, especially with the constant rainy weather in Oregon!). I also have friends who bought canopies, propane fire pits and lights to entertain in their backyards. Sometimes we schedule nature walks with friends to get outside and exercise safely while social distancing. This fall when the weather was warmer, we dined at restaurants outside when the set-up allowed us to safely socially distance ourselves. We are also picking up take-out a few times a week to support our local restaurants.

Soon the weather will start to warm again and hopefully with the vaccine becoming more accessible, COVID-19 cases will continue to decrease. Until then, find as many ways as you can to socialize with friends and family, exercise and be outside. Remember, we are all in this together, all over the world.

Going through a divorce may be the hardest thing that’s ever happened to you. This is a person you were married to and trusted for so long. Suddenly it feels like there isn’t trust or good feelings between you any longer. And sending your children off to be with their other parent on the weekends is difficult to say the least. It may be helpful to read books on the subject to help you navigate this situation (I recommend Mom’s House Dad’s House by Isolina Ricci as a great starting point).

One of the most important things to remember throughout this difficult process is to refrain from saying negative things about your co-parent in front of your children. That may seem like a no-brainer but you’d be surprised at how often I’ve heard parents complain and voice negativity about their exes with their children in the room. They may think they aren’t listening or don’t yet understand what is being said, but I guarantee they know more than you probably give them credit for! Kids are astute listeners when they want to be and because they are trying to figure out this divorce thing for themselves I guarantee they are listening to the adults in their life!

You may think: well my kid needs to know my side of the story, or my ex is bad mouthing me so I have to stand up for myself. I see the temptation to explain your side. But here’s where the best interests of your child should trump your own needs. Your child is part of you and also a part of your ex. If you criticize their other parent in front of them, you are, in a sense, criticizing your child. They will have a relationship with both parents their whole lives. As they get older, they will have more say in how much or little time they wish to spend with either of you. Do you think they would choose to spend time with a parent who was bad mouthing their mom or dad or would they rather spend time with a parent who takes the high road and leaves the negativity in their therapist’s office?

Another rule of thumb: if your kid comes to you and asks questions or wants to talk about their other parent and you are unable to have this discussion without bringing in negativity or allying with them against their other parent, it may be time to find a therapist for your child. Your relationship with your ex is far different then your child’s relationship with them and it is important for them to understand and process their own relationship with their divorced parents with a trained professional who can help them navigate these tricky waters. As I said, they will have some type of relationship with their other parent their whole lives and the sooner they learn to figure it out the less your divorce will have a negative effect on them.

Keeping these two rules in mind while co-parenting will help your children immensely. And make sure you are taking time for yourself to get the support you need, whether it is through therapy or just calling a good friend and going on a walk together. It may be just what you need to unload, recharge and help heal yourself.